January 25, 2014

I don't think I was meant for the blogging world. I have no idea how to write one cohesive entry. I can't stick to one topic and it ends up being just a stream of consciousness blurb about nothing. I also don't tend to stick to one area of interest in my life so it makes it difficult. The best blog I've ever run was the Protest the Hero blog that actually got me in touch with the band for a while. Those dudes are great guys, no lie.

But truthfully, I don't know. I don't see the point in blogging. It's not my area of expertise and I treat it more like a diary than anything. I'm not good at writing non-fiction for an audience. That's just how it goes, I suppose.

November 17, 2013

Oh right! Posting

Hello! So I've been a busy girl. Wedding plans are starting to form, slowly but surely. I've been more involved at work and School. Lots of School.

Oh god, I have to write so many essays for a BA in English Lit it's crazy. If I play my cards right though, I can graduate a semester early and that means an early start on GRAD SCHOOL. Oh god, that's frightening, please hide me.

I really enjoy school but I seem to have found a lot of negative people to surround myself with and I'm finding it hard to get out from under that initial impression. But there are some really nice people and some funny, great ones and I just try to talk to them more.

Work has been great and awful. One of my really good friends at the reference desk just left to go on and become some other great thing. I'm going to miss her. Also, there is a custodian who is just creepy. *shudders* But other than that, I really do love my job. My supervisor is great and I love to talk with her about movies. Most of the patrons are great and I love my regulars. I really can see myself enjoying doing this for the rest of my life. So, let's get through school and get there!

I've been doing NaNo again this year though it does not look like I'm going to win again. Ugh, being a writer is hard while in school. I just want to publish things and know that I have a few fans. Like, two people who I don't know but who have my book as their favorite. That'd be awesome. Just two. That's all I ask out of life.

I have not made any costumes or finished any clothing lately. No cross-stitch has even been attempted. Most hobbies are falling by the way side in the wake of School Work. Oy vey. I often catch myself daydreaming of when we move and I'm done with school and we have enough money to at least be able to spend it on things without having to check balances 3 times over. It will be nice. I have so many plans for then...

May 30, 2013

Step 1

So I'm almost done with the very first step of my schooling. I'm going to graduate in August with my Associate's and transfer to get my BA in English. I'll be concentrating on Literature and Writing. It's going to be awesome. I still have a few things to do so please bear with me as I write a small to do list.

School Stuff:
Fitness Forms
Transcripts
Personal Statement
Final Forum

Now, I will be going on to the four year school. I'm hoping and shooting for the fall but it's possible that I might not get in until spring. That would leave me with one whole semester of nothingness and I'm not sure what I would do then. It's possible I would work on my book. I have been taking my writing more seriously lately and I've begun putting together a portfolio. It has all my stories and poems and the first chapter of my book. Though that is unedited, it's still an accomplishment. I also have a copy of my resume and a general query letter.

I've been thinking of getting a moleskin to tote around with me. But that feels so pretentious and I've already noticed myself being kinda lame about being a "writer." Ah, who knows.

I'm also thinking about moving farther away to be closer to some friends for grad school. That's not until at least a year from now but it's something I have to think seriously about. I'd have to find a job and figure out cost of living. It's so hard being responsible. I really do wish it was possible to just pick up and relocate.

In less academic news, I got my cat a new harness. We took her out for a walk today and she played with a pitbull. It was very cute. Also, I've been calling my neighbors' dog Ruby and that's apparently not her name. Whoops. Oh well.

May 9, 2013

Remember that one time?

So I haven't written anything in awhile because life and shit.

I don't know man, I guess I just don't feel interesting enough? Lately my mind has been wandering back to a friend of mine I lead on and was a bitch to. I've been trying to make amends.

I got distracted and now where was I? Bleh.

I don't know man. My life has gotten way different than I thought it was. People describe me as eccentric often and I don't understand. I don't mind it but this is just how I am. I don't mean to be any weirder than your average person but my brain doesn't think like other people's I suppose? I have a very mild form of dyslexia so I get things backwards and I can't hear very well so sometimes I fake knowing what you've said. But other than that, I think I'm normal. I have morals that I stick up for. I love in ways. I feel like I should help fix the world and I wear things that are and try to be aesthetically pleasing.

I mean, it can't just be that I'm in a committed relationship where we believe in at least thinking about polyamory. Most people don't know that. And that's more complicated than all that anyway.

Is it my hair? It's not always weird.

Perhaps my interests? Or my clothing? But what's strange about them? I'm not the only one that looks like or acts like I do.

I guess I don't mind being weird. But I do mind that some people dismiss for it. Or that I lose friends over it. I get so nervous about people liking me and that I'm overdoing it that I just don't know how to do friendships anymore. It's so fucking stupid because I know I used to be able to do this and I used to trust myself and others more. How do I go back?

Well, I guess I just have to keep trying.

March 7, 2013

Being a Living Statue: Another Passing Fantasy or the Inevitable Conclusion of My Interests

So, the internet experiment is actually going pretty well. I'm wrestling and starting to gain a hold of a story that I've been wanting to write for a while but has been alluding me. My talent is still developing and I think it might be more than I can truly handle at this moment but I want it so bad. I can feel it forming and it's so slow  and frustrating but if I can do it justice then.... well then I'll be happy.

I've also been playing my ukulele a lot lately and I know, I know how cliche. A somewhat artsy girl has a ukulele and thinks she can play music. Whatever, I don't care. I've fully embraced my not-so-quirky quirky nature. My boyfriend wears a fedora and I consciously choose to wear glasses even though I can wear contacts just as easy. But I love my little ukulele because it fits better in my small hands than a guitar. I don't have to stretch as much and it's just... I don't know. It's easier for me and it's more fun. More portable too.

I haven't sewed anything but that's because my sister has my machine at the moment.

So what does this have to do with Living Statues? I want to be one! And I've wanted to be one for a while. But I have so many interests and hobbies, I have to decide between them and leave some behind. But Amanda Palmer (a continuing source of inspiration for me) made a post on her tumblr today about her time as a living statue. And I fell in love all over again. But really, it wouldn't be a new hobby. It would be an amalgamation of all my interests!

First there's costuming. I'd have to make a costume that'd believable and looks statue-esque. I'd have to come up with a character, which is as geeky as it gets. Making up a character and acting it out in public. I could use my limited musical skills with the uke as an interactive with the audience. And I could use the discipline needed for staying so still as good practice on meditation.

Now the problem is doing all that and then finding a place to perform! Wish me luck

March 1, 2013

There's this feeling I get

I've been thinking a lot lately about why words are so important to us. Words, when arranged correctly, have the ability to stick in our chest and move us to tears. But why why why? It's just squiggles arranged in certain ways that create sounds in our minds that mean things! Words are strange. Written language and indeed language at all is strange! But if you break it down, I suppose, it's all about what these words represent. So truly, the phrases that stick with us and make us cry and move us to better ourselves, it what they represent.

Now, I could list every phrase and lyric and passage that has stayed with me, but it'd take too long. It's also for the same reason I don't get these words tattoo'd on me. I believe that these small things, these words that have power over me, are private things. They're like names to demons. Because these words have power, I don't want them to be used against me or lose that power. If they are repeated to often, perhaps they would not become as special because what they would represent would instead be a tattoo or a person instead of this large intangible idea that I had no way to express before these words crossed my path.

And there again is a strange thing! The near infinite combinations of these symbols into things that we could only feel before. And still there are feelings that we can't quite express. Does that make the life experience complex? Because it's almost impossible to capture every feeling and experience but there are some things that are universal for all (or most, I am generalizing some) so that makes it seem not as complex as language. Because other than being used to communicate there are languages so vastly different from our own that I would be hard pressed to find a thread of similarity. Though, I'm sure, there are those that could find it.

I don't know. What am I trying to say? Life and language are strange things and I love them both.

February 18, 2013

I Should Be Writing

Or rather, I should be working on my fiction story. I really enjoy the idea I'm rolling with but I just haven't found the best ending yet. I might just have to make something up as I go and then fix it later. I should also be working on the rewrite of my book. But it didn't happen today.

What did happen day two of Stayfocusd limited internet! I cleaned the house, studied a bit, read part of the Odyssey, worked out and went out to see a few friends and my friend's new baby. I'm still really awkward around babies, and for some reason I can't just ask outright to hold them. So, I tried to like trick him into letting me cuddle her and he totally called me out on it. It was kind of funny. But then I got to hold her and feed her and nuzzle her for the rest of the time. Although, I did really bad burping her. I apparently haven't held a little baby in a while. She's so freaking cute though.

I've been doing a lot better with being social. I've been seeing lots of different friends, and trying to keep in touch. Though I forgot to call my friend in Arizona on Sunday. Whoops! I think it's just because I get so hermit like in the winter. I don't mean to. But the lack of sun seems to just drain my social energy. And maybe that's just an excuse? I'm not sure. But it's starting to be sunny and spring time again so I'm like a budding flower. Hello world!

Since I'm spending less time online, I should start spending more time on crafts again. And perhaps, I'll actually start posting pictures of what I do on here. Derp.

Well, I'm just wasting space now. Ta for now!