Remember that one time?

So I haven't written anything in awhile because life and shit.

I don't know man, I guess I just don't feel interesting enough? Lately my mind has been wandering back to a friend of mine I lead on and was a bitch to. I've been trying to make amends.

I got distracted and now where was I? Bleh.

I don't know man. My life has gotten way different than I thought it was. People describe me as eccentric often and I don't understand. I don't mind it but this is just how I am. I don't mean to be any weirder than your average person but my brain doesn't think like other people's I suppose? I have a very mild form of dyslexia so I get things backwards and I can't hear very well so sometimes I fake knowing what you've said. But other than that, I think I'm normal. I have morals that I stick up for. I love in ways. I feel like I should help fix the world and I wear things that are and try to be aesthetically pleasing.

I mean, it can't just be that I'm in a committed relationship where we believe in at least thinking about polyamory. Most people don't know that. And that's more complicated than all that anyway.

Is it my hair? It's not always weird.

Perhaps my interests? Or my clothing? But what's strange about them? I'm not the only one that looks like or acts like I do.

I guess I don't mind being weird. But I do mind that some people dismiss for it. Or that I lose friends over it. I get so nervous about people liking me and that I'm overdoing it that I just don't know how to do friendships anymore. It's so fucking stupid because I know I used to be able to do this and I used to trust myself and others more. How do I go back?

Well, I guess I just have to keep trying.

Being a Living Statue: Another Passing Fantasy or the Inevitable Conclusion of My Interests

So, the internet experiment is actually going pretty well. I'm wrestling and starting to gain a hold of a story that I've been wanting to write for a while but has been alluding me. My talent is still developing and I think it might be more than I can truly handle at this moment but I want it so bad. I can feel it forming and it's so slow  and frustrating but if I can do it justice then.... well then I'll be happy.

I've also been playing my ukulele a lot lately and I know, I know how cliche. A somewhat artsy girl has a ukulele and thinks she can play music. Whatever, I don't care. I've fully embraced my not-so-quirky quirky nature. My boyfriend wears a fedora and I consciously choose to wear glasses even though I can wear contacts just as easy. But I love my little ukulele because it fits better in my small hands than a guitar. I don't have to stretch as much and it's just... I don't know. It's easier for me and it's more fun. More portable too.

I haven't sewed anything but that's because my sister has my machine at the moment.

So what does this have to do with Living Statues? I want to be one! And I've wanted to be one for a while. But I have so many interests and hobbies, I have to decide between them and leave some behind. But Amanda Palmer (a continuing source of inspiration for me) made a post on her tumblr today about her time as a living statue. And I fell in love all over again. But really, it wouldn't be a new hobby. It would be an amalgamation of all my interests!

First there's costuming. I'd have to make a costume that'd believable and looks statue-esque. I'd have to come up with a character, which is as geeky as it gets. Making up a character and acting it out in public. I could use my limited musical skills with the uke as an interactive with the audience. And I could use the discipline needed for staying so still as good practice on meditation.

Now the problem is doing all that and then finding a place to perform! Wish me luck

There's this feeling I get

I've been thinking a lot lately about why words are so important to us. Words, when arranged correctly, have the ability to stick in our chest and move us to tears. But why why why? It's just squiggles arranged in certain ways that create sounds in our minds that mean things! Words are strange. Written language and indeed language at all is strange! But if you break it down, I suppose, it's all about what these words represent. So truly, the phrases that stick with us and make us cry and move us to better ourselves, it what they represent.

Now, I could list every phrase and lyric and passage that has stayed with me, but it'd take too long. It's also for the same reason I don't get these words tattoo'd on me. I believe that these small things, these words that have power over me, are private things. They're like names to demons. Because these words have power, I don't want them to be used against me or lose that power. If they are repeated to often, perhaps they would not become as special because what they would represent would instead be a tattoo or a person instead of this large intangible idea that I had no way to express before these words crossed my path.

And there again is a strange thing! The near infinite combinations of these symbols into things that we could only feel before. And still there are feelings that we can't quite express. Does that make the life experience complex? Because it's almost impossible to capture every feeling and experience but there are some things that are universal for all (or most, I am generalizing some) so that makes it seem not as complex as language. Because other than being used to communicate there are languages so vastly different from our own that I would be hard pressed to find a thread of similarity. Though, I'm sure, there are those that could find it.

I don't know. What am I trying to say? Life and language are strange things and I love them both.

I Should Be Writing

Or rather, I should be working on my fiction story. I really enjoy the idea I'm rolling with but I just haven't found the best ending yet. I might just have to make something up as I go and then fix it later. I should also be working on the rewrite of my book. But it didn't happen today.

What did happen day two of Stayfocusd limited internet! I cleaned the house, studied a bit, read part of the Odyssey, worked out and went out to see a few friends and my friend's new baby. I'm still really awkward around babies, and for some reason I can't just ask outright to hold them. So, I tried to like trick him into letting me cuddle her and he totally called me out on it. It was kind of funny. But then I got to hold her and feed her and nuzzle her for the rest of the time. Although, I did really bad burping her. I apparently haven't held a little baby in a while. She's so freaking cute though.

I've been doing a lot better with being social. I've been seeing lots of different friends, and trying to keep in touch. Though I forgot to call my friend in Arizona on Sunday. Whoops! I think it's just because I get so hermit like in the winter. I don't mean to. But the lack of sun seems to just drain my social energy. And maybe that's just an excuse? I'm not sure. But it's starting to be sunny and spring time again so I'm like a budding flower. Hello world!

Since I'm spending less time online, I should start spending more time on crafts again. And perhaps, I'll actually start posting pictures of what I do on here. Derp.

Well, I'm just wasting space now. Ta for now!

Stay Focused

I downloaded this nice little extension for chrome called StayFocusd. It limits my internet consumption to a set time that I choose (though it threatens me with shocking kittens if I change the time too much) and doesn't let me on again after the time is up. It's only been one day of this, but I've already made dinner, caught up on Psych reading, wrote ~200 words of a rewrite on a short story and played a lot of Skyrim.

I know no one reads this blog but it is rather nice to have something to talk to. Although, I guess not no one. I assume Jess still does and perhaps Katie.

I contacted a friend in AZ today. The spring weather is helping me to think more positive and it's truly time to let go of the stupid grudge. I'm trying to get back into the habit of socializing myself. I'm a bit rusty, to say the least. Joel just kind of fell into the habit of being lazy and I followed him on down. But I'm making a list of improvements to make upon myself and hopefully cutting the internet down to very small bites during the week will help.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever truly be an Author. I would say writer, but I am a writer. I write and it's good and the few people who read me demand more. That's very nice. I would like to have something Published though. I'd also like to be well-known enough to meet Neil Gaiman and have him have heard of me at the very least. That'd be nice. I suppose that's like icing to the cake though.

I would also like a good job that makes me decent money and has benefits. Five years seems so far away for this degree.

I just looked up some jobs currently being offered and a few of the "Teen Librarian" descriptions made me so happy and hopeful. And not just because the salary figures were nice.

Anyways, I've lost focus. Ta, for now lovelies.

I am supposed to be writing an essay on Machiavelli's The Prince

I feel as if I have written on Machiavelli's The Prince ad naseam through out my whole life. Every history class harps on The Prince and I've owned at least two separate copies of the silly thing. It should be easy enough to bang out another, especially since it's only 600 words. I've written one off fanfics longer than that! But here I am, procrastinating.

I don't have anything of particularly geeky or library-ish news. I wish I did. I wish I could say "Hey guys, got my degree, gonna go get paid a bunch to look at books all day." But alas, not yet.

I guess I should go write that essay.

How to Make an Assassin's Creed Hood

 So I finally made my friend her Assassin's Creed style hoodscarf. Done in the colors she wanted and modeled by the fiance. For my first time doing and for a completely made up pattern, it came out very nice. There are a few things I would have done different and I'm going to detail them here so that you can make your own hood and not have to buy one for like 60$ off of etsy because really it only took two hours in total and that's including going out and buying fabric. So ready? Here's how to make your very own Assassin's Creed Altair hood.

First off, this is the rough basic pattern to use. 

I made the alterations to it so that the scarf comes more out of the sides. I made mine come straight out the bottom and it just doesn't look quite right. The fabric we used was just jersey knit and it works quite well. It's very warm and easy to use. Note that we got two colors so that this is a reversible hoodscarf.

I cut the middle piece a little long so that when I sewed it to the sides of the hood I had to trim it down a little. You can do this or measure the outside curve of the hood and cut the straight part to fit. Make sure to measure very precisely though. The just sew the pieces together. It's pretty simple. Sew both colors together first before trying to sew the different colors to each other.

Now, obviously you want to sew the hood inside out so the seams are on the inside. Sew everything together except for the very bottom, straight edge of the hood. Then turn it rightside out and sew the bottom edge together. It's going to look a little rough, but since you can wrap the scarf all the way around you, I wouldn't worry too much.

And that's pretty much it. I am assuming some familiarity with sewing hear and left out some of the finer details. If you'd like me to make a more in depth tutorial or simply just make you a hood, leave me a comment. Otherwise, happy sewing!

(This pattern can also work for just the hood part of an Assassin's Creed costume if you just cut off the scarf part.)